this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize