You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
