So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
