My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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