i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
