Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My underwear smells like fireworks.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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