you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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