yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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