put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
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They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
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Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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