you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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