ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
