girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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