So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
