It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
