You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I FOUND THE LEGS
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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