Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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