If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
