My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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