Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Even my vagina gasped.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
