tell your sister to shave her snatch
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
