every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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