His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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