he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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