I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
