I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Your dad touched me again.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
