Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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