Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
