yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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