You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
