you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She even gives head with a lisp.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
