She said her name was "party"
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We had sex on a dog bed..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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