They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
