Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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