Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
