I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
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Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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