we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
