just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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