We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
