you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
