I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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