I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
