I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
