I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
