She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
