she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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