He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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