Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
