Already got asked if we're dating
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
