I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
