It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
