Im at strip club and am horny
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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