Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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