There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
