Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
