I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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