Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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