Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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