The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
