He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
either way he was missing a nipple.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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