no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
