Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
